Situation One
Another in a series of tennis tournaments for young children. We are passing by the court, and the parent of one child approaches another and asks: "Is this your child?" Upon an affirmative answer, the plot thickens: "Your child called an out, but the ball was in." A few more polite words follow, and then the worst kind of street language…
Situation Two
“How are you standing?”, one parent asks another who is watching his daughter’s match.
The other, visibly confused by the phrasing of the question, replies: “I am standing fine, I’m just a bit cold. But if you are interested in my daughter’s score, right now it is…”
Similar situations are very common in our line of work. Almost on a daily basis, we advise parents on how they should react and behave during their children’s performances. Some are ready to accept advice, while others are only ready to listen on the principle of: in one ear and out the other. Not to mention actual behavior change.
For this reason, we have prepared 15 concrete tips on how to behave on the court while supporting your child!
Practical Tips for Parents of Athletes – Part 1:
- The role of a parent in sports is to support the achievement of goals. Support means being there for the child’s needs, but not crossing boundaries. Your support is what builds the parent-child relationship.
- Financial and technical support are your task; the rest is the coach’s role.
- There is no need to communicate with coaches constantly and over every little detail; let the people you chose earn their bread. Try to accept that most coaches are, after all, greater experts than you are.
- Your task also includes taking care of your parental role outside of sports. Your child is not just a swimmer, soccer player, basketball player, tennis player… They are also a student, a friend to their friends, and your son or daughter. Upbringing and participating in their development is entirely your responsibility.
- Relieve the child’s burden when they worry about sports… Listen, but do not give advice like “Make sure you don’t… Don’t or you shouldn’t… Just watch out for…” Leave that part to the coach. If necessary, consult a sports psychologist.
- Assigning tasks and setting goals before a competition, as well as directing how to prepare for the competition and analyzing the competition (what was good and what wasn’t), is also the coach’s task, not yours.
- Every sport is different, and you as parents are not always the experts. You are experts in parenting, and the children are “experts” in the sport. Sometimes you have to accept that the child knows more than you, regardless of their age. Nobody likes to be told what to do and how to do it by someone who knows less than them – regardless of whether the advice is good or not.
Practical Tips for Parents of Athletes – Part 2:
- Do not delude yourself into thinking you are objective when it comes to your child. Nobody can be objective when it involves their own child!
- Do not label your child with just one role. For example: “You are a tennis player, soccer player, karateka…” Your child is most likely none of those things yet. Your child is Marko/Marina, and they play/train tennis, soccer, karate. What if your child does not succeed in their sport or decides to stop playing it? What role do they have left then?
- Refrain from comforting or analyzing after a competition: “Well, it was good… Not bad… Bravo, it was great…” Your perception may or may not be correct. Much more important than your perception is how your child evaluates their own competition. Talk to your child and ask them about their emotions and experiences.
- After a poor competition, do not convince the child otherwise; just be supportive and encourage the child to talk to the coach. You could even be a former professional athlete in the sport your child plays, but they will not accept your advice and their coach’s advice in the same way, even when they are identical.
- After a good competition, just congratulate them and be genuinely happy, perhaps ask what the coach said, and absolutely let your child recount their impressions to you.
- Refrain from “false” encouragement: “You are the best… You will win… You are better than everyone…” This is usually not true, and the child is often aware of it. After a poor result, the child will only become even more disappointed and saddened.
- Before a competition, avoid any questions about form and results (quiet your curiosity) and choose to listen to your child instead. Your involvement sometimes causes more harm than good.
- During a match, your only role is support and cheering! At that moment, the child does not need any advice, nor do they have the capacity to accept it. The child usually knows when they have made a mistake and does not need it highlighted further. They notice your body language and your energy. Do not allow them to look for your approval of their play during a match, game, or race.
These are, of course, just some of our tips for parents. Needless to say, the tips are addressed to everyone, especially those who want to work on themselves and change themselves and their relationship with their child for the sake of progress. The tips before you are by no means easy to execute. Remember that we are all made of flesh and blood, and most parents want the best for their child.
However, good intentions do not always lead to good things. The vast majority of the tens of thousands of children involved in some form of sport in Croatia will not become professional athletes. Yet, this fact does not prevent them from becoming high-quality individuals who have learned very important life lessons through their involvement in sports. Your support on that journey is immensely important.
